In Response To "Lemme Tell You Some Advice Girl"

I appreciate you being so candid with me..and I know it took a lot for you to say it. I know that I have been through some really rough patches in life. When I felt like I couldn't do it anymore, you always stepped in to get me to the place I needed to be. I don't doubt you won't continue to do so.

I am not mad at you at all. Sometimes the best love is tough love and I know you mean well.

You were right when you said we are in different places in our lives. I cannot knock him for that. He has done absolutely NOTHING wrong to me. With that, I thank you for knocking me in the head...no matter how harsh. You always manage to bring the sense back to me.

I understand what you said. I know that I tend to create situations in which I want more than I will ever receive. I guess I just hold on to a hope that this will be the one who will make me happy. This will be the one I can share things with...and I won't be alone. I get so tired of being by myself. Tired of being the one to do everything. Tired of not having someone to share my life with and share theirs. The ups and downs. The happy and sad. To help and be helped. I mean don't I deserve to be friggin happy after all the crap I have been through!? No one owes me anything, but...what ever.

I have decided that I cannot keep on in the fashion I have been. Trying to create things that are not there...its only an illusion of what I want. So I move on...I never ever need to compromise to the point that I am not happy with what I have and the situation I am in. There are those moments that make me feel like I am special...and those are the ones that keep me holding on.

My main problem is that I have NEVER been in a relationship that was the way things should be. From the very first long term relationship I had, I was doomed. That has and will follow me...forever. But today I take the first step toward the right path I guess...I wil be alone again, but how bad can that be...really. I have been alone before...and essentially, I am sorta alone now. He isn't there for me in the way I need. So I am floating on this island with a mirage of what I want...the water that will quench my thirt so I settle for opening a catcus, a leaf from a palm, a sip of salt water...in hopes that I can substitute...

All those things have their place in life, but they are not what I need. He is a good guy, but not the guy for me.

Thank you for your thoughts and I will take heed.

At least this time I didn't wait a few years to listen.