Happy Sensations

I dream of a happy place Because I am happy I stare off in the sky's blues I look into the stars of the night I bask in the light ...

Through The Looking Glass

So the title I started with was "When The World Shatters," but I thought that would be too dramatic.  So the title for no is "Through The Looking Glass" which may change.

I have been told the world is a much different place then I envisioned it.  Actually, that isn't true.  I know how the world works, but I was naive or even dumb enough to think that perhaps the world wouldn't touch me.  "I'm a good person."  This is what we like to think sometimes because in a perfect world, bad things wouldn't happen to good people.  DANGEROUS thinking.  When you walk into a dark alley and think your good intentions will keep you safe, you are walking into a very dangerous situation.  No flashlight to light the dark corners.

I blame my parents..that's right Mom and Dad and Step-Dad.  I blame you.  Why? Because you taught me how to respect others, how to be generous, how to accept others for who they are, how to look at other people's point of view, how to be open minded, and how to love.  Basically, you raised a Sucker.  You raised a person who will always be at the end of the line because the old ladies, pregnant women, small children and babies need to use the bathroom too.  You raised a person who will never get ahead in business because there will always be a bleeding heart, a person in need, a family situation that your employee needs some time and support with..A Shark you will not be...because to be a Shark, you cannot have these qualities and if you do, you must suppress them or be labeled as a Patsy, Weak, Naive, Immature, Blind, Push Over..The Sharks and Wolves of the world will smell your Sunshine and Happiness like blood in the water...a baby lamb in waiting...The Vultures will flock and wait for you to fall/fail. The Barnacles will attach themselves and feed off of what ever you allow...which will be everything.  Why? Because you think they need what you have to offer.  You think this is a give and take..but the only one being taken is you...FOR A FOOL!

Even among the nice, you have to watch yourself..because as I was told, there can also be a potential for a problem at any point in time.  Give the right mixture and you are prime for the picking.

I will not say that I didn't know how the world was.  I think I wanted to live in my own little bubble where me and my family could be happy and live life to the fullest, but somewhere I have always known.  My childhood has left me in a state of awe.  I think to myself that I never had to worry about things when I was younger.  Even as a teen, I managed to stay safe and stay happy. Not so much with other people. I hear them tell me what they went through and I feel angry and upset and sad all at once.  Why? Couldn't other people have a childhood like mine..? And not to say it was all Peaches and Cream, but some of the things folks have been through, NO child or young person should have to, but they did..and that shaped the person they are today.  The person that will turn around and see how much of the world I don't and know that I don't and that will be what in the end will drive them to me.  Then at that pivotal moment know that they can get away with things because I have never had the experience to know.

DANGEROUS!

I have to prepare my kids for the disgusting world they will have to wipe themselves clean of on a daily.  They CANNOT be like me. They cannot trust, they cannot believe, they cannot listen..because it's the listening of the crap that gets you first..then you believe it...then you trust it...then...it's too late..

I got not a look at what is actually in the mirror of the world..and I DID NOT LIKE what I saw reflected back at me...I took a look at myself in the mirror I hold up to the world and saw a very different person than I saw just this morning...I saw...I saw...I would rather not say what I saw, but I didn't like it and it needs to change...

I took a look through the looking glass of life and realized that I don't measure up to what the rest of the world has become.  I'm not one of those to say "Well if this is they way of the world, I don't want to have anything to do with it."  Why? Because there are good experiences to be had.  There are great times to be had. It's the rest of the world that you have to be wary of...constantly...in your home and outside of your home..I say this because people are people, no matter if they are family or friends or friends you think of as family.  You have to always be ready for someone to drop that bomb on you.  I lived my life in the open and have been hit by every type of rock, ball, meteor, etc that I can think of.  Yeah, I'm still standing, but if I had built my shelter to begin with, I wouldn't have a big ol' knot on my head...would I?

So there is my rant.  My testimony of naivety...my story of the epiphany I am JUST now having.

And to think this is the world I brought my children into...

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