Fundamentals of Trust 101
Funny thing about trust is this...you won't get it if you don't give it.
You can claim to be trusting of someone, but if you cannot truly give in to someone, you will never trust them. Why do you think it is so easy (generally speaking) for men to get over on women. It's not because they are stupid or dumb or idiots. It's because women put their all into a relationship. They give in emotionally. Which means they also trust deeply. Only when you truly love and have given your heart to someone, can you trust them fully. Conversely, if you are always one foot in a relationship looking for the possible escape routes for when the relationship goes wrong...you will never trust a person. Men are less of a jump both feet in when it comes to love (again...generalizing). Therefore the trust doesn't come in the same way or as easily. There is always that what if...that maybe...there is always going to be doubt.
Now back to humans as opposed to Male/Female.
If you do not love yourself, you cannot lover others. Trust is also about respect. If you don't think you are worthy of being loved and treated with respect, then you will never expect that from others. If you truly do not feel loved by the other person because of your hang up, you will not trust them. Why? Because you will not believe that they really are treating you in a positive manner. You will always think that they are doing something behind your back because no one would treat you nicely and be for real about it. There must be some hidden agenda or plot.
If you cannot trust, you will not be trusted. You may start out with the other person's trust, but eventually your constant tiny doubts and such will infiltrate and cause the other person to feel as though they are not being treated fairly. If you can't trust them, then why are they wasting their time putting their trust in you.
Also keep in mind that you need to look at it from the other person's point of view. How much trust are they giving compared to you. Do you REALLY have the right to look at them and have doubts when your situation may be completely open for all kinds of speculations? Realize you are not in a bubble. More people trust you than you may think. For you to sit back and cast doubts upon others may in actuality be you projecting your
insecurities on to someone else. May be you don't trust others because you, yourself, cannot be trusted...Is there perhaps a tiny voice inside of you who knows what kind of person YOU are and therefore assumes that everyone else is that way?
If you accuse someone of something they are not doing enough, they will eventually get sick of hearing it. A couple of things will happen:
1) They go and do whatever it is you have been accusing them of, which in turn mentally validates what you have been thinking and instead of thinking that YOUR behavior opened the door to this event that may not have otherwise happened, you think "I knew it all along"...which solves nothing and you continue on to the next relationship with the same backwards thinking
2) They leave you. You think they weren't being honest and that they were probably doing whatever you accused them of and that's why they left. Not that you and your constant doubts made them feel unwanted and not a part of the relationship. That your image of them made them feel as though they didn't need to be around since you thought so negatively of them.
3) They will lose their trust in you. The relationship will turn sour since your partner now doesn't trust you. In their mind you must be accusing them of whatever it is because it is something you think of and something you have maybe done in the past. Maybe you are paranoid that it is going to happen back to you since you have already done it to them...they just don't know when.
4) All of the above. Your partner loses trust in you which allows them to easily go do whatever it is you are accusing them of...then they leave you.
It's up to you. How do you want your relationships to go? You can learn to truly love yourself and others and therefore learn to trust...or you can alienate everyone you encounter with your doubts and therefore always wind up alone and on to the next failed relationship.
You can claim to be trusting of someone, but if you cannot truly give in to someone, you will never trust them. Why do you think it is so easy (generally speaking) for men to get over on women. It's not because they are stupid or dumb or idiots. It's because women put their all into a relationship. They give in emotionally. Which means they also trust deeply. Only when you truly love and have given your heart to someone, can you trust them fully. Conversely, if you are always one foot in a relationship looking for the possible escape routes for when the relationship goes wrong...you will never trust a person. Men are less of a jump both feet in when it comes to love (again...generalizing). Therefore the trust doesn't come in the same way or as easily. There is always that what if...that maybe...there is always going to be doubt.
Now back to humans as opposed to Male/Female.
If you do not love yourself, you cannot lover others. Trust is also about respect. If you don't think you are worthy of being loved and treated with respect, then you will never expect that from others. If you truly do not feel loved by the other person because of your hang up, you will not trust them. Why? Because you will not believe that they really are treating you in a positive manner. You will always think that they are doing something behind your back because no one would treat you nicely and be for real about it. There must be some hidden agenda or plot.
If you cannot trust, you will not be trusted. You may start out with the other person's trust, but eventually your constant tiny doubts and such will infiltrate and cause the other person to feel as though they are not being treated fairly. If you can't trust them, then why are they wasting their time putting their trust in you.
Also keep in mind that you need to look at it from the other person's point of view. How much trust are they giving compared to you. Do you REALLY have the right to look at them and have doubts when your situation may be completely open for all kinds of speculations? Realize you are not in a bubble. More people trust you than you may think. For you to sit back and cast doubts upon others may in actuality be you projecting your
insecurities on to someone else. May be you don't trust others because you, yourself, cannot be trusted...Is there perhaps a tiny voice inside of you who knows what kind of person YOU are and therefore assumes that everyone else is that way?
If you accuse someone of something they are not doing enough, they will eventually get sick of hearing it. A couple of things will happen:
1) They go and do whatever it is you have been accusing them of, which in turn mentally validates what you have been thinking and instead of thinking that YOUR behavior opened the door to this event that may not have otherwise happened, you think "I knew it all along"...which solves nothing and you continue on to the next relationship with the same backwards thinking
2) They leave you. You think they weren't being honest and that they were probably doing whatever you accused them of and that's why they left. Not that you and your constant doubts made them feel unwanted and not a part of the relationship. That your image of them made them feel as though they didn't need to be around since you thought so negatively of them.
3) They will lose their trust in you. The relationship will turn sour since your partner now doesn't trust you. In their mind you must be accusing them of whatever it is because it is something you think of and something you have maybe done in the past. Maybe you are paranoid that it is going to happen back to you since you have already done it to them...they just don't know when.
4) All of the above. Your partner loses trust in you which allows them to easily go do whatever it is you are accusing them of...then they leave you.
It's up to you. How do you want your relationships to go? You can learn to truly love yourself and others and therefore learn to trust...or you can alienate everyone you encounter with your doubts and therefore always wind up alone and on to the next failed relationship.
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